What is great about coaching.
And what is not.
It is really weird, doing a job that you made up.
For that, a manifested creation, is what being a coach is, really. For therapist or estheticians, teachers, restauranters etc. there are hoops by way of licenses and associated, necessary education; tests to take and rules to follow to pass the velvet robe of practice. Those have their own kinds of hiccups and complications, of course. Both of great value and worthless, no doubt. There are applications and a bothersome, ancient bureaucracy, tests and the like that allow for the grace of practice. Arguable perhaps, but at least clear enough. And too, with coaching there are schools and certifications. However, aside from those who offer health-based services, needless to hang a sign and open for business.
That is great for those, such as me, impatient with those particulars of allowance; this is great news. I lack not the energy for action and my confidence, such as it is, is pretty darn great at getting my ass out the door on most things my heart inspires. (Failing in other regards, I promise!) Coaching is a windfall. As a coach, I can take my on-the-job historical experience of leading a company, and (I say free of needly humility) did very well for that brand and community to grab investors, customers, and interest of an eventual buyer. I did so via innate talent and taking on a good deal of training that elevated me after the company’s sale to use all those goodies on towards the building of my coaching business AND all of the rest of you in an open and individualized approach so you too may snag your own personal and professional agency and powers OVER the standards set out by a certain employer. BOO!
I can manage my own time. Navigate costs and fees as I choose and is industry appropriate vs what “someone” tells me I am worth. Meet folx where they are at in their lives and careers and get to hang out with those I earnestly dig on. Therapists’ need be party to WHATEVER gets tossed upon them from the catacombs of their clients’ mental health and existential grapples. A coach on the other hand can create her own boundaries and a brand that serves and maintains those. That protects her and her clients, also teaching others to do so just by doing so, awesome!
Check. Check. And more checks! What is tricky is being present. Well not always, a lot of times it is the easiest thing there is: you are cooking, the client is sizzling, and everything is well. There are those who one easily mind-melds with. There is no learning curve between how you two think and speak, listen, and learn. The client is there to ‘work’ and you ready, willing, and stoked to be the fuel in that engine of – again, that awesomeness. It is easy to have affection for those client relationships and, I stand as a testament to this, finding them gets easier and easier as you go and identify who those folx are.
However, the heart is a many nuanced thing; add to that, we can aide in ways beyond the familiar realms of ourselves and the others we most frequently find us attracted to and traveling with. Also, there is a real and necessary need for those that do not have minds like ours, perhaps not as adept at being organized, positive, articulate and clear, creative as a coach is supposed to be. It is not as if the clients we most easily jive with DON’T need us. They do. The ‘easies’ and the tough cookies are both our support facilitator dharma work. Think “vocation” time like three-hundred. Generous, superb, and extremely humbling, indeed. But those sessions, the ones with the clients where our internal worlds and ways of thinking are not in-line, how the Hell is one to manage that?!
Yeah, that is the real shit.
First: give your ass a pass. You can be annoyed, frustrated, bothered, maddened, and even angry with your clients or those who ‘flirt’ with hiring you. We are all humans in this space, that is kind of the beauty for the sitting down. The sharing and the hearing, to the best of our abilities. The very best, or so we hope.
The deep trickiness of that for a coach is that it is our very job to be honest with ourselves and ALL the information that we are taking in and exactly what aspects or with what timing we are to disseminate. If you are getting pissed, that is, as previously stated, information and information is of great value. What it can point to is that you may need to ask a question to the client and also to yourself.
For instance:
“I am curious, is this a reaction you’ve had before?” [to the client]
“Am I frustrated because I don’t think they are hearing me? Understanding what I am saying? Not listening? Or are they simply not making progress in a way I KNOW they can, but aren’t – and what could be the reason of that? Am I the best person or do I work in the proper modality to actually assist this person in their need?”
Inquiry is always the answer. BUT we can ask until we allow the very human need to sit with a reaction.
Second: Know your lane. Know you are not a therapist. Know you are still learning, too. Do know that if you are finding yourself in a particular client relationship or ‘kinds’ of client relationships that are continually stagnate or tricky, that might be a great time to either expand your experience and education and/or focus on exactly how you serve (i.e., the exact nature of your services and expertise).
That is a great, great thing. The clearer we can be with our work, the better we will find those who need us and those very folx will boundlessly benefit.
Third and most importantly – Boundaries. We rarely learn boundaries we need most until they are over-stepped. It is true and lousy, but so it goes. Come the future, may parents and others raise kiddos for who this is not the case, but as it stands, it is. Thus, making note of where your own limitations are stepped on – in ability and/or comfort is confronted, and I very much recommended honing that antenna like a tuning fork. Call it to yourself so you can practice scripts around saying so to others and referring out to others- therapists as an example – is a super valuable tool.
So yeah, it is sweet up in here. Being a coach is awesome, but there is a litter box that comes attached to every cute kitten. But that ‘poo’ and learning what it informs – i.e., diarrhea yes/no?! – will make you a better caregiver to yourself and your clients, and a better professional in totality, too!
