Forget about the good boss
For they might be leaving you behind
I have a lot of the same conversations…
We all do, in whatever work we do, no? The hope being we don’t mind the genre of dialogue in question, themes, and solutions and those with whom we converse, so much.
In my case, in regard to management, that is, I love it. I love love love talking about management, bosses, staff and leadership politics alike. The communication particularities, tactics, and habits we and others take on - how that goes, how we cope with each other, and how we grow, learn, and may (as those who take on coaching want to do) evolve to a greater level of ease and ability in all that back and forth. Really in the weeds type stuff.
All the personalities, politics, necrosis, fears, and wants bang up against each other in spaces and between people that many times have no business crossing paths. This is very different from the supposed utopia that is team sports. The aim in those environments is bonding together to a shared achievement. At work, that is only vaguely what goes down. Like, that is what we’re told upon hiring but in truth, we are all to get as much out of the situation as we can before we move closer to our individualized goals.
I don’t feel any certain way about this. What I will say is that companies use the conventions of “teamwork” etc. to their own ends vs those of given employees. No one is on the same side as much as we share some of the same projects. Thus, as this is more to the reality of what is going down, we are, in many senses, just in seeking to squeeze whatever blood one can from the corporate stone by way of education, relationship, and increased professional skill set.
OK! So, what would be more perfect than to have a sherpa in all that? And what could be a better guide than a boss, serving as leader and mentor, to notice the talents we don’t, steer our frustrations to easy ends, address professional and systematic hindrances to our work and growth, and (speaking of growth) encourage us to further ours. Oh, and generally available and open, that would be great, too. Nice. I’ll add nice, for why the heck not have our cherries atop the entire arrangement.
There are bosses like this, I’ve had one. But sadly, they are not the norm. And, too, they are not necessarily as helpful as the shitty one.
OK, it is not so linear as that - that bad bosses tough-love us into growth via necessity, but the fact that we remember what sucks more than we notice what works and why it does. (Note: this is changeable, and more on that to come…)
For instance, many of us, me for sure, can kill a LONG amount of time bemoaning all the awful managers, leaders, and owners we’ve worked for. Many (OK, most) bosses don’t have experience nor training as to how to lead - rather they are just people who are good at doing things who eventually get paid to do a lot more of those thing, direct teams to make even more of the things, belittle and terminate those who aren’t making the things as fast or as well as they themselves have (or like to remember they did) back before they were only having fancy lunches, hiring and firing, schmoozing and generally yucking it up vs making anything at all! That type of lousy leadership stays with us and, if we stay true to our own consciousness and experiences, better protects us and prevents us from committing similar professional harms unto others. Work journal, feel the anger and frustration, and do what you can, as long as you are working under such a bozo, to examine specially the patterns and failings of the bad boss in how they are with you, as well as with others and the team as a whole.
Think about it like this - you are already feeling the burn, the add on is taking the time to codify the nature of the illness to best prevent both you repeating said mistake but also to further understand what best and better to look for in the personalities of those that will be your more successful manager-match.
It can be helpful here to think of weak leadership as a fast-track/crash course in how to cope with, protect against, and break the chain of bad boss-ing.
For what to do when we are fortunate enough to share an office with a dream leader - take all the advantage of that experience. Learn about them, listen to them, be curious about their path, where they seek you, and ask them about managing you - what they have observed as good feedback and communications tactics to encourage and teach you. If you are or have found yourself stumbling or repeating a pattern or mistakes or running into challenging professional relationships, breathe deep and ask that excellent guide why the heck that might be? Some people and projects are just too much, but also there may be patterns in your practices that make certain personalities or asks particularly problematic.
On top of all this, do not lay your sense of self completely bare. The boss works for the company. As good as they are a match for you, they are focused on serving ownership, investors, clients, etc. They do wish you well, but they know you will move on and they, the boss, may likely remain. It is in their interests to have you do your best work towards their ends. It’s honest and can be viewed as clean in a way that keeps things happily professional vs painfully personal.
Add to your toolbox one other thing if you can, and I do hope you can for this is so very important: watch how they are with others. What works about the way they interact, communicate, execute, and correct others who are NOT you? What you note here and what can be taken away for observing a strong person in their glory yet another education in what it can be to embody both the bosses you’ll look for in future roles and the boss you might one day become - in your own manner, of course.
As our livelihoods are hitched to our jobs, it can be super easy to laser focus on ourselves. Don’t drop that entirely - focus is great, I can certainly use more! - but also, when the pressure is less and deadlines are behind us or far off, look about. Begin to think about the mechanics of others as well as the survival of yourself.
In closing, I thank my best boss (I think you know who you are ….) and curse, but regret, my worst - whoa was she a bad-y! (I have stories if you want ‘em?!)
