#askTracy: Should I get a part-time job?

Keeping unworthiness at bay.

A most awesome #askTracy comes in!

Hi All,

We have a great one here, Mali of HeartFull Parenting (a treasured client and human who truly fills MY heart with joy) got in touch this week asking if I might address via this blog a question that has been on her mind: Should she get a parttime job as her business is not where she wants it to be? Mali’s thinking is that doing so might stave off feelings of unworthiness that are creeping up on her.

Said demons are not helped by the fact that two of the closest people in her life, her mother and daughter, are not at all or no longer encouraging the work she is aiming to do.

Well, Hell, this pisses me off! Not wanting to pick up an alternate gig (we’ll get back to that), but that, from Mali’s telling of it in her the way she shared her question, that the difficulty in her managing her professional self esteem is largely in response to external messaging from her fam. No, we need not be blindly encouraging of all our loved ones in all of their aims (just ask my husband what an inspiration wet blanket I can be). Nor are we to assume every idea that comes into our noggin’ our kin is to rally around. If you are asked - answer. If you aren’t - don’t. And too if you are wanting support for those you personal spheres, please know that said advice shall come a slew of places: their love of you, their own personal experiences, as well as  how they define risk, safety, success and feel about all those things in their own lives. Those who love us don’t want us to experience struggle nor harm, but too, we each have our own internal thermometer for risk and effort  (i.e.: one body’s ‘too risky’ is another’s “no big deal”). Point being: listen in context. Think about what you know  about the person telling you what YOU should do.Toss all that into one big mixing bowl and decide if it is worth taking a bite.

Heck, even coaches don’t (in this one’s opinion) have any business offering ‘to dos” on their clients' debacles and prickly pickles. Now, if you ask, I’ll tell you what I think you should do, I sure as shit tell you. BUT I’ll also remind you that means pretty much nothing. What I am here to do is aide and encourage you to get closer to your own conclusions on a given issue or incident, as well as to build up your black book of skills to do so on your own. 

On that front: If Mali is asking if she should get a part time job, I am betting she should. 

Working on your own is lonely. We can lose track of the kind of wild and wooly ‘being in the world’ that others who work in less-controlled environments sometimes feel like they have too much of. Regardless of what one does in their work, likely they chose to do that thing because they enjoy doing it, it is where large aspects of our talents lie, and (here is the kicker….) we think that that thing is helpful to others.

As I said, I know Mali well, we’ve worked together for a good bit (a pretty groovy bit, in fact). Thus, I can speak first hand as to her sincere interest to be of aid to others, that she has recently pivoted her brand to do so for a community of people (parents!) whom she is one, and too, has a passion for being of assistance to. In her personal life Mali is quite social, always seeing friends, traveling, being bold and loving and adventurous in the world. Considering all that, I think that Mali’s business and professional community will benefit from an “outside/in” approach of not stepping away from her coaching work, but rather shaking things up by enriching both her perspective and reach with a part time gig.

Another thing about working for yourself is that it can be rather boring and super vague. I struggle with both those experiences a good deal - try DAILY. It can feel abstract, otherworldly, vague, disconnected to sit all by your lonesome and squirrel away at whateverthell you think you are ‘supposed’ to do that day like it is some game of make-believe. Going to a job that other folks give you assignments, where you have coworkers, get feedback, can be promoted or trained - or even just fucking talked to! That sounds really sweet when you’ve been solo for a while, just like Mali.

I’ll also say - Mali, there may be some unimagined info or person out there that you would only learn or meet if you changed up the game a bit and took some hours out of your week for external work to gain, meet, learn from that will help the work your business does. Like, what if the job idea is inspiration? Inspiration packaged in feelings of defeat (sorry about that!) that comes to be the EXACT opposite?

I don’t know, but I am SUPER curious - so what about …. we  talk in out this week, and maybe … ya know, try a thing? (A thing that YOU thought of, and from my experience, you think some pretty damn cool things!)

Thanks for asking and lots of love!

Xo
Tracy Micheele