Adventures in Babysitting: No fun Adulting
You have a Zoom call with your company’s biggest client in three minutes.
The woman looks like Betty Draper and Joan Crawford had a child, sent her to Oxford, and has her nails done by Cruella’s esthetician. She basically bankrolls the livelihoods of over 400 people, you among them.
Your computer is covered in JIFF. You are wearing your PJ top, a scrunchy, singing the hits of Frozen while you struggle into a cardigan - (Is that better than a blazer over a puffy paint Minnie Mouse tee?)
Fun fact: you are the one moron who neglected to get her eyebrows done before the lock down. Attempting to hide the refugees of your longstanding procrastination, you angle your screen (all while pushing your toddler out of the closet that is serving as your office for the next 6 - 18 months (thank you NYTimes)) towards your chin, dim the lights on your Mac, and breathe.
Hi! Does this time still work for you to review the Fall campaign?
For decades, articles have been written on life and work models and balances. Statistics and modules for better productivity, longevity, creativity. Each author with a NPR radio spot, blog and/or OMagazine. No speaker, Shrink, influencer, or coach shared insight on holding down one’s sanity and salary in a world turned inside vs out. In-home. No school. No office. 100% inside and connected as much as the lines and wires and WiFi keep us with a news ticker tape of anxiety overload.
We fantasized over co sleeping, community living, extended breastfeeding, the elite fad of homeschooling arbitrarily claimed by Masters Degree holding urbanites.
The Devil is laughing. It’s not enough we can’t find TP in walking distance, but now we are clawing our ways through days with toddlers, teens, partners (no hearts growing fonder here!), and pets.
Closeness vastly overrated and unmitigated is nothing less than ill health. Undermining the staggering self resolve of persons (dammit, women) in states - blue, red, dense, sprawling. All hail Democracy - Goddammit.
There is no end in sight, tell us our pals in the media. Butts in DC. Relatives on Twitter. WTF is the answer? Like other than alcohol and homicide?
Guess what - I have no idea. I don’t think there is, really. I think it breaks down to that - people with kids understand and those who do not have no idea. The perils of parenting under all guise of distress is … distressing. The bullets fly during un-dynamic social time, thus now - so much more. A World War in your living room - legacy - f-ing life - dignity.
Not to be too pessimistic - the new black of the era of the Pandemic - the sitch is made all the more terrible for those whose kiddos are newly or nearly out of their nappies. For wee ones new to standing, “education” is about learning to share - not to bite, hit, or throw … up. Online modules teach not the empathy and socializing that one can, as they age, to move to WarCraft, but will not have the IRL soft skill choice if not trained in the field, at the playdate dress rehearsal so necessary for cubs and pups to grow the F- up.
Arcane? Perhaps. A “Free to Be” “Really Rosie” generation voiced writer - I, as we all do, speak from the rose colored glasses of my peer experience. However, as swiftly as decades has passed, the nature of humanity moves slowly. Socialization remains paramount. Self esteem, humility, sexuality, and intimacy is learned (even in duress) in the schoolyard, on the dance floor, at the table, and across the impassioned debate - raise your hand!
Studentship is not vacuous.
Yes, as romantically as we harken to the micro-scale of Tiny House Anthropology, running around the damn yard is the life saver of child and parent alike - across the eras.
Bitchfest aside, what the HECK is one to do. To retain a backbone, sanity in the din of Shelter? Yes. Not perfect or desired, but more easeful indeed:
Drop the expectations - for you, them, it. Let it be as terrible, acceptable, and (maybe) OK as it’s gonna be. You might learn a thing. You might be surprised …
Hate your kids - a bit. It is OK.
You are a good Mom. Yes, you are.
Call in your Partner - if they are around. Yes, they too may have a job to maintain, but theirs is no more precious than yours. Plop that toddler - peanut butter paws and all - down on their laptop. Pump and dump has no place in Crisis - of any kind!
Call your girlfriend! Make this the time to bond - in a foxhole as it were - with those other Bs in your PTA, parent group, social feed. Try the following:
#Ihatemykids
#homeschoolsucks
#MommingintheMatrix
#getdadinvolved
#singleparentshelterinplace
Make it Global - in your language to yourself and others -why?! Because it is!
We are all struggling
No one , thank you Mr Media, has the answer
This will pass, SLOWLY
Everyone - not in Politics - gets a Pandemic get out of jail free card
Say the obvious as it arises - without the color of emotionality:
That is my daughter you hear
I am homeschooling at present, thus my schedule for email responses etc shall be other than is usually expected. However, both my efforts as a parent and professional remain of great importance. I shall continue well by both commitments, in this time as in others.
I need ….. Whatthefuck ever you do!
None of the above, nor any other delightful share anyone has to offer will be the golden ticket. Rather, I stand by the ethos you have all you need to know, all the tools in patience AND professionalism to get through this Global, and local WTF. Your instincts have no morality. Shoot from the hip. Live in what is actually going down. Call it as it lays. Drink alone, that is a parent’s due. Oh, don’t forget to….wash your hands!
