Success Recipe # 3: Nothing nice to say: Reaping the rewards of negativity
I am an extremely positive person. I am wry, and witty - like heavy lidded Noel Coward. Clients and kin know me to swing about the room, gesture like a Republican, dress down and up with inappropriate abandon.
When kicked - and life has a heel - I ask “What if?” That is my brand. Ethos. Above the box. Not distress or dissuaded by flux or flights by night. I hold my broken hearts and hurts close. Not a torch. A testament to what I can/you can/we can do. Lumps taken and taking, lessons learned. Very sellable. Highly winnable.
However, my armour is little more than that - armour. I make calls to my parents. My father, on the other end of the phone, attempts to serve the flavor of comfort I required at six. Why did I call him? Perhaps to get angry at someone, other than vague, gray circumstances, myself. You.
I have this heavy blame, you see, I have been carrying it since last month or before - when the clock struck and the story dropped that change was not pre-requested - DJ, can you spin my favorite outcome? Where can I drop my dime?
This morning began before my eyes opened with everything I never wanted in my day in full swing. A woman who measures her Measure by routines, rituals, and readiness. The world asunder, the unknown everywhere - this positive posie was tizzy lizzy. Not in line with the times, but askue with everything.
The very architecture I instill? Wrecked.
Rally is what the doctor calls on - right? No. Why pretend? So long have we worn tees stating our adamant refusal to smile under duress? Don’t. Even. Bother.
Be a bummer. Yes. A bummer.
Try this on for size:
I am having a hard time.
I don’t know how to manage this.
I am doing my best to do my average.
There are always things - they are called YOU - that one can rely on - YOU can. Don’t paint too much color on those - write them down. Examples from the SDYD vaults:
Eye liner
Taking walks - no matter what the weather
Listening to WQXR one moment Dorian Electra the next
Writing despite NOT feeling like it (no, I will not necessary like it once started, but better for the making of something beyond myself)
Zumba, Yoga (Call your local teacher pal! @chaseanada ), running
Yelling and crying at my partner - sorry (I tell the person first DUH?! I am going to yell at you because you are here not because I am angry at you.)
Saying I am angry
Planning what to wear tomorrow.
Chewing gum - manically
Writing down 6 things I MUST do today. No matter how pithy. Doing them. Stopping.
Stop. Judge. Do it anyway. Anger and dissatisfaction are rarely farmed for the value they bestow. Rather than start with an ill feelings inventory, first get busy with not being at peace. Don’t try to “feel better” per se - indulge and listen. The intel on the new landscape is found right now - in the weeds. Don’t whack - pluck with ferocity!
