#Ask Tracy: How to support a client with when their pride gets in the way?
Does support occur via the service? Or within the architecture of the offering? (Don’t worry, I’ll explain)
This week at #AskTracy, we have a question from a reader who also works in a supportive, client-focused capacity. They’re in a conundrum I, and I bet a lot of you, can DEEPLY relate to.
The Quandary:
‘A patient wants to come every other week instead of every week because he has only 20 visits on his plan. I want him to come every week. Not just for his benefit but mine, too.
I really, really like this patient. He is in his 80s. He doesn't like to take anything for granted. I offered a sliding scale, but he never paid less than the full price. His insurance actually pays well so I am happy to extend the 20 weeks and besides that I BENEFIT from him coming because I learn something from him. So how can I convince him to come weekly?’
[more info to consider]
‘Before we knew he had insurance benefits, he wouldn't even take my offer of a free treatment because he referred another paying patient to me. I've done that for other people, gladly, but he just won't take any gift for free!
I shouldn't do this .. [and instead] ... respect his decision?’
Tracy:
So I am going to leave the heat of this ‘seemingly’ direct question and re-enter in another way - what and where lies the support that we offer? Whether they be our customers, staff, co-workers, clients, patients, students, persons whom we collaborate and are hired to work with, provide services for, healing, or education, they come to us, willingly or by direction or circumstance. There are - in a very binary simplistic sense - two things we “do”.
The service etc that is explicit: i.e., class, procedure, feedback, guidance … and
The atmosphere and architecture within which #1 takes place.
Think of this - the way the nail salon appears, smells, the lighting, where the prices are posted, the nature of the paper on that sign, the energy of the staff - you notice all of this when you get your biweekly manicure. Do you get a smile or are all eyes cast down and hands in pockets? All of these are not your mani/pedi per se, but they sure as shit influence your experience and they are a massive part of what you are, likely, seeking. Pampering, people - pampering!
For instance: I have terrible teeth - I promise I won’t go there as much as I want to, I am sticking on topic, or topic-ish, here - and that means I go to a lot - A LOT - of specialists’ offices. Once, a beloved dentist from the past referred me out to one such person whom they HIGHLY recommended and shared was so enjoyed by numerous other patients. Great!
Nope.
I did not make it past the waiting room. After less than eight minutes sitting in a folding chair in an office decorated with liquid-stained carpet, looking into an open reception pool where foot shuffling, frowning staff groaned about thinking about how whatever would go down in the exam room would be an entirely out-of-pocket indulgence, I left. I said some loose excuse and exited more anxious than I entered and feeling the opposite of cared for.
Dear question-asker, I am not at all associating your well-aimed and tender-hearted debacle with the depressing experience of that periodontist’s office. I bring it up as a hyper-extreme example to showcase how you might best care for the patient of concern by providing the fantastic service you do and are, but too letting him come to it as he might, perhaps only at this point or forever more, in a way that allows him to access the intimacy needed to be cared for at all.
As a person whose vocation is to help, we sometimes forget or lose touch with the fact that to be helped is not easy for a lot of folx. There are always a certain number of hoops many individuals need to jump through internally to get them as supple enough to receive. I am such a kind of client when on the table. I put up a lot of walls and the care that has and does chink my armor comes from those patients enough to love in the ways that I can feel it - and poke in my squishy place, thus I may open up more.
What to do? Allow him his pride. But perhaps talk candidly to him about what you are telling me - ie:
The more frequent sessions we have been having are, as you have shared, of benefit. The insurance arrangements are such that making additional appointments is limited. Tell me, how can we continue our work? I have some options, but are curious as to what your thoughts are on the subject.
When in doubt - be curious! Know his limitations may be irksome, but respecting them and asking, asking, asking, asking may get us enough information to “solve” this most admirable problem as how to ‘do right’ with the utmost respect.
Carin ain’t easy!
You are doing so, so well!
Xo
Tracy
