#askTracy
I’m a person who holds space for clients in a multitude of ways — (as a teacher, hypnotherapist, energy worker, and coach) and I’m very conscious — and conscientious — about the energy I’m using to create the container that holds this space.
When I am going through a really tricky or painful time personally and particularly physically (whether due to family illness or my own), I become concerned that this energy may be transferred to the client—most particularly in my energy work and hypnotherapy.
My experience shows me that I can set this pain aside (at least according to my own awareness), but I do have concerns that sometimes this painful energy can “leak” into a session beyond my awareness. And while I’m not all about positive vibes only (that’s bullshit, of course), I feel a responsibility to do what I can to serve the client as best as I can despite my own pain.
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Hey there,
Thank you for sharing this - and do know I so, so empathize with ALL of this. Because:
1) I am human
2) I support humans
3) I have feelings
4) I stand in witness of feelings to support and access action-oriented sustainable solutions
5) I suck at doing so for myself
6) I am super at doing so for others.
Roll your eyes, will you, but yes, I did learn a lot in the dawn of the COVID era. I mean, even the moments when most committed to NOT doing so, gems made their way through. Survival or mercenary found skills, think battle-field talents unmasked as we run and bullets fly, are stellar in getting to the finish line, but only of actual value in the taking of inventories.
Specifically - flash to the eleventh hour of the shutting down of everything. The cafe in my previous workspace was emptying out and I, never one to be alarmist, was getting kinda shook. I am a creature of immense habit and get really disarmed by changes. I am better with that then in years past, but still not so stellar. I react VERY violently with resistance to the “rules” of entities imposed upon me, and flourish with those I self-create. I am a wall creator of execution and a bit daft to large turns of conduct and assimilation.
“No, no, no”, I thought - I have yoga tomorrow, a HIIT workout before, and am planning on seeing clients on Monday (IRL if you can imagine that!), hanging with a pal over the weekend, going on a date with my partner- you know all the things we did in spaces of previous ease with little anxiety.
Add to that with all the needs and fear and mortality and reduction in “work” salaries cut to nothing and or nearly so - as the employer of two persons and the revenue earner of my household - what the HELL was I to do?! I was aware of my necessity in the food chain of my family economy, but never before from a place of fear - perhaps that was stupid (I am not so stellar at forward/preservation thinking as much of the time as might be wise - but damn me if I will ever get there). I like being the caregiver in this way, provider as it were, but that day it was like an anvil. FUCK FUCK FUCK - I might not have a business, like immediately.
And look, I am small potatoes compared to all the WORLD touched and set up more OK than most. However, I am a human responsible for other humans and a family and a household and very a-feared that this very thing could put all of what I literally and ideologically worked for to nada. What the HELL would I do with my time, bills, dreams, days, identity? Who I am is deeply connected to WHAT I do. This, as a potential pickle, is a thing we could unpack in some other writings and readings, but for now - let us just say it is an ‘is’.
Bottom line, I was deep - as you can read - in my navel of negativity as to WTF - just WTF. And I do not, do no, do not, do not do well with disorder, upheavals, changes, any of it. I act nimble and am a Stoddard and that “regularity” is deeply hinged to my mental and emotional health. But then (and this is where we swing back to your question and peril and earnest, and very professionally minded concern, about being available in service to others and no detriment to yourself) one of my Monday clients got in touch to confirm I would still be available to meet on that day. And my answer was … You bet your ass I am.
THAT, not the money nor the budget was the very thing that the fall of capitalism (for a time at least and/or in my self-centered budgeting limitations) could NOT take away. NO, there would be no recreational shopping and yes there would be pillaging of savings, but I had not only the opportunity to be available to others still but a gift I seek to impose in sessions for all time and here, too:
There is and can be something to showing up on behalf of others other than ourselves. I, as a supportive professionally employed person, have and do find great relief in checking my BS and standing in naked witness of the blessed whatnot of someone who is, blessedly, NOT me. I can love the other person, the client, see them and have affection I might not otherwise offer myself.
Now this does not work if I (or you or any of us) aren’t taking time to NOT engage and self-support so you can actually sit in that naked wonder of availability.
So, what do you “do”? Pace yourself. AND know that it is OK to be supported by supporting. Coaching - and other professionals of that ilk - is not a two-way street but it IS a humanistic relationship as well. The thing of note is do take time. Take on the challenge of taking time - try a week and then slow roll back in. Take generous time between clients, more than normal, and do a debrief of YOUR OWN emotions after sessions (always a good practice) and see where you are at.
So much of honest support offering is self-temperature checking. We “have” to do it when we are struggling and so you can learn the skills of the long-game support for yourself that shall serve in less dynamic times.
Thank you for the ping and PLEASE keep on passing on more gems and asks, all!
Xo
Tracy
