How to NOT get Ghosted

And other Vampiric Business Practices

Do you feel that tingle on the back of your neck?

The same eerie sense that creeps up from the basement or from inside the closet? Those nights where you wake to wonder if you were the one who left it open …or, no, you remember closing it. Right?

Seeking to realign your mind, you grab your phone – a most linear device so deeply tethered to relentless reality. A good scroll will most surely will reign in reason…. But …. Oh no …. Your inbox is … empty. “No, that cannot be!”, you gasp. This is so confronting a find, you miss seeing the closet door, ever slowly more and more ajar … 

Dammit! You sent no less than a dozen client proposals, marketing pings, resumes, and check-ins yesterday. Where the fuck is everyone?! Are they deaf?! Did you ... die? Is this a dream, or better yet - Hell? Professional purgatory, a prison between the worlds of shit gigs and next opportunity? A valley of stagnation where the government only issues you just enough to eat by, but nothing you could use to invest in pleasure.

Just as an icy hand grips your naked foot – naked but for a blanket, kicked off in irritation – you look up. In the bestial face before you, you ask: Where is everybody?

The gorgon looks down, as sheepish as a monster can be, and in a low, husky growl says: I don’t know.

See, you are not so alone – ghosting happens even to the undead ….

Less literarily, you are in the shits for sure.

This is scary business. This putting one’s self out-there jazz can be spooky, like trying to hitchhike away from the house of a psycho-killer. No headlights or pings indicating help are on the way. 

Nope, no big chested hero to woo or pity you. Silence can sure sabotage good intentioned effort. Not hearing boo is freakier than a “no”.  Finding oneself at the edge of a wasteland can be a painful window, but one nonetheless worth venturing over to.

Each so experienced rejection can offer healthy insight as to our own practices. (I know, I know, I fucked you. Another way to grow and learn. That is not what anyone shops for, huh? Comradery and an easy pass are swifter sales. But I tell ya, from my heart and head – experience and expertise – the times we are to and need to grow the most, when we have and can gain the most from doing so, is when the lessons come rough and we want to turn away. Think of a Jane Fonda good/bad business burn…)

First lesson on going ghost hunting: 

1)    How committed to communication are you?

As an ethos and (conversely) the modeling and benefit to hit OTHERS back? As my mama says … You teach people how to treat you – each communication is a tool of interpersonal inculturation.  

Record scratch as we get set for a break down – you ready?

Start here:

(This is your choosing to go into the dark forest untethered and wild-eyed. One leg in bravery and the other in bluster)

Here comes a dialogue about money.

What services do you invest in?

·      Nail salon?

·      Dog walker?

·      Therapist?

·      Meal delivery?

How studied is the fluency of your cash flow? Do you pay up front? Price shop? Go by recommendation or your gut? Do you book your masseuse and forget to get cash, promise to bring some by, and not do so for days? Rely on the “I’m good for it”?

Your answer to the above may well be the lock in the key of why you are confused and hitting feels which cut to the crux of your confidence. Consumerist actions set the stage for ALL commercial engagements. Be you seeing returns for students, clients, bosses, or investors you must be FRIGHTENINGLY aware that your practices have an energetic impact.

2)    Are you clear and what is that supposed to mean?

May seem simple, but it Hella ain’t. 

A lot of times when we ask or expose ourselves (Yes, sending a CV is full fucking frontal exposure!), we do so in secretly sheepish language. As in, when we do not know we are offering a pass to those we desire to hear from as much as we are seeking review.

Thus, again to point one: shying away from being truly answered. For to be answered is to be seen, and nudity can be absolutely terrible.

This is something I call “get her done” submissive application and pitch platform. It is where we hand over the power of discourse to the listener vs guiding the conversation towards a discourse. 

You can be a wallflower, sure. But if you want to “dance” you best ask your beau to boogie before the lights go out ….

3)    Scared of their own shadows …

Many times, we see ourselves as sole receivers of how OTHERS communicate. As if we are customers served or not served well. 

The folks we seek to hear from are aiming to others and them from others and so on and so forth. We all want “good news” and get squirmy if anything less – that is experience of feedback bitch slap explored in other posts. Discomfort with receiving a ‘no’ and make folks wary of saying ‘no’.

This is not to blame YOU for not being empathetic of Ghosters. Rather, to keep you aware that when you skirt nay-saying – you engage in the economy of fearful discourse. BIG lesson, HARD to implement, but oh so necessary: not offering accolades or opportunity is not a criticism, it is just an ‘is’ – timing, appropriateness, means, anything - it just “is.

It might be easy to say, that it is all about ‘them’ and not to touch ‘you’ but give me a break … right?! Ghosting sucks and hurts. Egos matter – that is reality, so we best call it.

There are a good deal of thoughts on what to do, but here is where I stand – no list, only one approach: 

Call it.

Send an email or text – depending – and say the truth. That you were to hear back and have not. That the lack of follow through is disappointing and telling.

Remind whomever is choosing the low brow absentee tactics that in doing so they are building a legacy of absence and avoidance. This is confusing, informative, and telling. As much as you desire to work for, date, connect with, speak to whomever – the stop-loss discussion is something you are curious about.

Dialogue is mutual. Never forget that. If you do, you have been possessed. Any person or professional who desires at all to make a mark would do well to showcase their character, even when not welcomed.

How might we bookmark this Spooktacular essay? What about ….

Be an emotional Vampire Hunter!

Happy evil habit unpacking 

Xo 

Tracy